Do you find yourself wandering between pink fantasy, and the maximum severity of melancholy realism?
Do you feel alienated among the closest people? Peculiar and other can't understand you?
Find yourself intelligent, energetic, ambitious and friendly, and also have same much of idiocy, frustration, nervousness and hatred!
If answer Yes
Then the closest probability you are a mental patient. Specifically one of those has bipolar disorder illness.
And who writes these words, one of them.
I'm someone. 25 years old. Studying civil engineering and barely will graduate. I am in final year of the university.
One day while browsing the Internet, read an article of an intellectual talking about existential question, religion and god. Went to comments on the article, one of those took about personal life of the intellectual and gave an explanation to this question; why he committed suicide? Where the thinker called Ismail Adham had committed suicide plunging himself into the river!
Said I think his suicide because of depression passed at one of setback shifts that related to bipolar disorder illness, and references to his friend story who was suffering from same bipolar disorder illness and committed suicide by taking an increased dosage of sedatives.
I silence a moment, realized the answer on the deep confusion inside me. This idea haunts me for years. Why always thinks about suicide? Why more times find the suicide as sanctuary and optimal choice for me? Without reason or really problem I lost any desire to live? Why spent more of my thinking searching for suicide method?
Accidentally I known the answer now, as a comfort I felt that I got an answer on confusion question, but it is a disappointment, I'm mental ill!
I went Google and search illness, results began showing, many pages talking about illness, causes, symptoms and treatments. Persons write them complaint, some of them know that they have bipolar disorder illness and others don't know. Woman talks about her troubled life with husband who accuse her that she aborted their fetus. Another suffered woman wonders; my husband accuses me spying on him for intelligence agency! A person writing about his friend went to down himself in sea within his car
Did I one of them having bipolar disorder illness? Yes!
Did its treatments happen to me? Through reading bipolar disorder treatments, yes
I had read many articles related to the illness and be sure that I have bipolar disorder, and founded the symptoms such mania or depression have been passed.
For long time I triad forgetting that I have bipolar disorder illness, I don't know why! May be thought that forgetting will make me don't feel bipolar disorder symptoms! It was silly belief, I lived with bipolar disorder symptoms gain and again, I can't deceive my self, but I never told any one about my illness.
Now, I decided to write about my self. My journey, my dramatic changes life, ups and downs is a novel
With blogging I will make each article as short story, think I have the ability to write as literature, after ending my stories will combines all in novel, because I see my life contains many unexpected and dramatic events on an intellectual level, human and social, my study, relation to religion, my family and the only love. All this were turning points and will produce special novel.
I am Fyodor Dostoyevsky
If I prevented my tongue talks to rounded people, but will allow my pin talk, I will leave a free area about suffering
It will be nice get other whose have bipolar disorder illness, and my results to deal with the illness. I hope help all and share with them our experiences and lives, as is known that communication between mental ills is an important method to treatment, particularly people have bipolar disorder illness because they feel foreignness and introversion, where others can't understand us.
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